well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
