My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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