I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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