They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
