Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
