i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
