i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
