i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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