I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think your dad took our porno
My penis needs a shock collar
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
