y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
