he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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