I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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