We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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