I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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