I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
