She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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