I'm jealous of your bromance
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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