i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
