No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
