Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
