I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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