May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
