bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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