She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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