I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
