How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
