I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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