I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize