i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
