First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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