What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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