her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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