ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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