You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
