i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
