we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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