Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
