My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize