your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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