A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
