There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
