Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
