3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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