HIV tests are more positive than that guy
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize