he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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