And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
