at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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