Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
