I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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