I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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