Someone shit on the floor
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
