??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
