Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
