Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
