Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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