party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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