white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
