Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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