her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
