I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize