from now on my penis is your penis
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
