why didn't you poke me back
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
