Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
