all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
