You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
