why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
