He had one of those small greek statue penises
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
