The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
