i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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