all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
