i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
