Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
