someone get that fucking seahorse.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
