he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
