I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
