Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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